A child is born, you won’t believe what happens next!

The observer observing itself observing itself is a far enough place from which to hold a perspective without falling too far into the never ending chaos of trying to see life from the perspective of the viewer – is there an end? Some people feel the need to dress this perspective and give it philosophically coloured glasses through which to view themselves. These ethical, moral or whatever glasses colour our sight encouraging us to guide our selves toward certain decisions. This phenomena in itself is a silent agreement on the inherent need to feel like there is reason, some control and an outcome to this thing called life. 

The universe, of course, refuses to offer more answers than it already has and we have been working on staying alive long enough to solve the eternal riddle since the first pair of eyes looked to the sky and wondered. Which is why seeing yourself see yourself see yourself is a far enough place to stand and watch things happen.

Personally, I like to think my vision is crystal clear; that I have shed all glasses and see only through the lens of the human experience. This, however, is always challenged when I find yet another lens to shed. If my vision was crystal, then what is this lens? Where did it come from? Doubt continues to be critical to the curious mind – what makes you think this you are right? Can you prove it – and, even if you can prove it, how are you proving it, and could these methods be colouring the truth you seek?

While here, comfortable in the seeing within the seeing within the seeing, might feel like a nice place from which to sit and look at everything I try to remind myself that this too is as fundamental a grasp at control as anything else. In reaching for a clearer vision I hope to, at least, not be surprised when it comes – whatever it may be – if it even exists. 

I hate being blindsided. 

I think it’s because this reminds me of the precarity of the bubble that I have crafted so carefully to keep me as the person I need to be to be the person I need to be. For a moment, I have to be. 



I am becoming more comfortable in this space though.

Watching the watcher watch the watcher I choose to see the eternal as immutable and my experience of the eternal as another biological being driven by some things that we understand deeply, some things we don’t understand and other things that we don’t even know exist. Through this lens the watcher watches the watcher watch, aware that the state of the observed is highly dependent upon the state of the observer. Even while watching the watcher watch, the watcher must continue to keep in mind the ever escalating coldness that is necessary to keep the universe as a warm, loving place – and the warmth that is needed to create it. 

I used to write about dreams as if they are built on abstractions, as if one can divorce the abstract from the. “real” world. This, of course, was back when I believed that there was more than one thing. I lost that lens somewhere along the way. Now I’m incapable of seeing dreams outside the multiple ways they pull us through time. How stories, more than anything, are at the core of the human experience. That we long to hang around just a little longer so we can read the next chapter in the human story. I also know that energy cannot be created, nor destroyed. And that those who choose to create a machine designed to pull humanity through time are destined to put large amounts of energy into the labour. I am reminded of how create is such an inappropriate word as it connotes an absence. But there is no absence. There is only one thing, and we are only ever just moving things around. So now, when I see a group moving at the speed of light, I can’t help but ask, where did them move stuff from to fuel their dreams? Where is the corresponding energy depletion? More often than not, it is traceable. More often than not, is is painfully knowable and obvious. This is not a moral call for “good” or whatever that may mean. By this point in the essay it should be painfully obvious that we have moved beyond such concepts. This, instead, is a watcher watching a watcher and leaving a note in the margins. It reads: 

 “I understand your frustration, but be kind to the doer – we won’t make it far with that attitude. Learn, adapt, grow. The show is going to be on for a while and you never know what happens next.”

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