Global Warming Has Got Nothing on OMG

By the time I’m done writing this CBK’s MPC will have come up with a new CBR, The IRA will have launched a DRS to AIF and you will have LQTMed. All the time I have written here I have brought your attention to several things that are slowly eating away at our society. I have spoken of the Chinese, bad customer service heck I’ve even thrown something in there about Campus Divas. Yet today I bring up an issue that is more serious than anything I have ever brought up. An issue that has slowly eating at the social fabric, to the point that we only have a couple of strings, and a broken needle.

However, let’s start from the beginning.

Michelle Obama’s speech was all everyone could talk about on social media. It was strong, stirring, insightful, politically correct, loving and compassionate all at the same time. She took people places with emotion and, watching it myself, I think I saw a tear or two somewhere in there. It was a truly stellar delivery and the crowds agreed.

Soon after an interesting picture started doing the rounds on twitter about how she spoke vis-a-vis how many girls speak these days in Nairobi. Let’s look at it in depth though, her English was clear, well spoken and, most importantly, acronym free.

This brings me to the issue I was pointing out way up there, I believe that acronyms will be the death of our society. It is hard enough to understand people these days with all their blubbering and then they slip into the acronyms and you’re gone. I bet no one would have taken Michelle seriously if she had said “O-M-G Barrack and I are such B-F-Fs.” So it is clear that society knows that acronyms are its death and yet we do nothing about them?

Well I’ve had enough. Seeing as everyone, their aunt, and Mutua are stepping down from their posts to run for government I have decided to step down as a writer and run for president. On my manifesto is the banning of Acronyms. Given that I have not covered the weighty issues like soccer analogies and #AskMichaelThursday on twitter like other candidates have but I promise that by the time I leave office acronyms will be a thing of the past.

And I believe this can work. With no acronyms there will be clarity and hence more people will understand stuff. There will be more jobs and we will actually begin to sound like a society that has spent some time in school, as opposed to one that spends its days hiding under a matatu playing snake on a Nokia 3310.

The only real problem I have is looking for a party name. All the cool and sassy fruit names like Orange, Blackberry, Watermelon and Apple are already taken leaving me with uncool fruits like tomato or pear or peach. My bid will be launched at the KICC by virtue of a flash mob, ready to run if cops show up. Ready to follow me to the end of the streets chanting,  time for Change! Time for Change! I’m sure we will be more understood than the other aspirants crowds that will be chanting ROTFLMAO! ROTFLMAO!

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