Forget Superman, Here’s the Real Hero

Norhtern Ireland minister of health, Poots, went on record saying that you shouldn’t be allowed to give blood if you are gay. He further went on to say “I think that people who engage in high risk sexual behaviour in general should be excluded from giving blood… And so someone who has sex with somebody inAfricaor sex with prostitutes, I am very reluctant about those people being able to give blood.” He said all this, with a straight face, looking at a camera and in a suit. You can always trust a man in a suit.

 Observation from a friend: sex IN Africa. Does that mean that if someone had sex with someone from Africa but said sex happened outside Africa then it would be okay?

 So what Mr Pooty was saying is that he thinks that all Africans should live in celibacy for the rest of their lives. Especially gay Africans they should be locked up and shot, twice for good measure.

Africa is the second largest continent in the world and with a population of 1 billion people we are almost as many as the Chinese. This means that we are contributing largely to the world’s obesity problem (apparently the population on the earth is 16.5 million tonnes overweight – that’s a lot of Africans). I think Mr. Poots is largely misunderstood. I think he is a closet environmentalist trying to deal with a huge problem; overpopulation.

And it makes perfect sense; I mean, everybody is dying to give blood in Northern Ireland. Ever since I was a young African child with a large stomach and a snotty nose it was my life’s ambition to get a good job, make tonnes of money and get on a plane to Northern Ireland where I would donate blood. Now Mr Poots has made it clear that if I am to go through with this I must make sure that, in my life in Africa, I must abstain from having sex, ever.

This means I can’t get those two kids I always wanted to get, and I’m not the only one. Studies show that a large and relevant percentage of African’s have lived their lives dreaming of donating blood in Northern Ireland. This means that Poots, in his ever lasting wisdom, has in effect stopped Africans from having sex, thus from reproducing.

On this front I would like to nominate health minister Poots for a Nobel prize. Forget Obama and the fact that he killed the top two terrorists in the world, forget Koffi Annan and his notable work in Syria; here is a man who knows exactly how to deal with the world’s problems and gets down and dirty and handles them swiftly. Ladies and gentlemen, kindly join me in raising your glasses to Edwin Poots, the man who saved the world.

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