The NSSF has recently announced that they will be giving out their social security once people have reached the ripe old age of 60. This, the government has decided is when a person will have reached the prime age to properly enjoy the benefits that they have rightfully earned being a productive, or otherwise, member of society for all their lives. It is at this age that the elder in society are encouraged to take a chill pill, sit back, relax, read a book, go fishing or install DSTV and watch people do these things on television. This, says the government, will be the state’s way of saying thank you for your years contributing to the moving forward ofKenya. This; reiterates the government, will be perfect.
They might have a little problem though.
The latest statistics by the CIA fact book – authority on everything – have shown that the life expectancy at birth for the average Kenyan male is 58.
So basically what they are saying is that the average Kenyan won’t get to the age where they are to receive social security? It could be argued out that if you have the audacity to die before you achieve the age of 60 then you have no right to receive social security. How dare you drop dead before you receive your benefits? Well, I sat down through all this and I, with the help of Mr Macharia of course, went through the options and we have come up with what could be the perfect solution.
We all know that the country of Kenya is a country where people follow legislation and we have law abiding citizens. I hence put it forward to our Honourable Dr and the rest of his parliament to enact into legislation a statute that makes it illegal for one to die before the age of 61. This will be just after they have enjoyed a full year of their benefits. They can base the precedence for this law on the fact that spokesman Mr Mutua has already set the precedence with his law enacted that one has to report their death within two days of its occurrence, and where this does not happen they shall be ignored and no death will be recognized.
In fact this solution will put an end to what can only be described as death with impunity and further more it will avoid a situation where the NSSF has to restructure their system, which would be a dreadful inconvenience for all involved.