The cart goes behind the horse

When you get tired of dragging yourself around you will begin to look for someone to pull you through. Perhaps it is around this time that you will realise that you can only organize your life around your feet. And that your shoulders can only carry as much as they can carry. Perhaps then you will learn to deconstruct the load. To consistently shift the burdens and the ways in which you are carrying them. Perhaps then you will learn that when you carry more than you can, you break. Perhaps you will learn to know what you can’t lift before you strain yourself.

I imagine the first time you avoid a weight you will feel guilty. I imagine you will try to equip it best you can. I imagine you will keep looking over your shoulder as you walk away, wondering if there was more you could do. If there was more you can have left it with, more you could have given.

I wonder if you will be adequately prepared to stand straight – after all, you will have spent a long time hunched over. I wonder if you remember what it feels like to run, to jump, to walk, to look back, to rest. Or will you learn the joys in these banal things afresh? See life with a new fascination. Will you treasure this fascination?

I wonder if you will notice yourself getting stronger. Moving faster.

Maybe it is about this time that you will turn to look at the loads you once tried to carry – that you will begin to organize them in your own path. Maybe it is about this time that you will learn to run towards yourself – gathering momentum as you grow.

 

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