The first time you walked into the classroom you felt like it was not a space for you. You sat in the front and answered every question hoping that your participation would accommodate for the fact that you really didn’t know much. Eager, ever eager, you made sure that you found the answers to the questions that would be asked. You spent many hours trying to understand the nature of questions.
Hopefully that would help you hide.
You were not meant to be there. But, if you were the best, they wouldn’t know.
The problem, as it always has been, is life is a game. And you have never really learned how to score yet. Instead you stay in the middle of the field and keep getting better at dribbling. The number of balls that were passed on doesn’t seem to be enough to get you to the next reservoir and, while you used to be able to wait your turn, you’ve grown impatient.
This lack of patience does not stem from anywhere that needs anything urgently. It stems from shaking off pasts that you keep dropping into the holes. These pasts keep you moving towards the next cluster of pasts. You see, you need them. They fuel you and somehow, now you’re running out. Like a plant from the sun you have no light to trap. So, with no energy, you have no use. Which is fine, because you were tired of cows nibbling on your leaves anyway.
(there are only so many ways pure energy can be turned to bullshit)
Disconnected from the source of energy, you have resigned yourself to watching things as they happen. Looking for patterns amidst the chaos. Trying to draw parallels and connect the bits and pieces like you saw those detectives do on the tv shows. But there was not enough space on the noticeboard for all the thumbtacks. And no thread could contort itself enough for the tale you were trying to weave.
Under the guise of existence you paraded yourself around the world as a living form. You even had interactions with other people (masquerading or otherwise). By the end of all this you were left so immensely exhausted. And without a sun from which to gather your energy you instead lay yourself by the bottom of the path and watched as everything else continued to happen.
definite article. Singular.
You miss parading.