It turns out the problem is quite simple. You’ve spent time asking people questions that you need to ask yourself and asking yourself questions that you need to be asking other people. It seems, to you at least, to be a simple binary. Reversible in and of itself just like a car moving forward can be stopped and put in reverse gear.
But the simplest things are often the most difficult to fix.
The second you tried to hit the brakes you jackknifed and your past came reeling into your future creating a present where you were moving both forwards and backwards at the same time. This, of course, became frustrating. Stuck in a situation where every step forward involved walking into chunks of space time that you thought you had managed to warp into the null void. Never to be seen again.
So your surprise when you came face to face with the wide eyed curious 12 year old who had nothing but questions left is, in and of itself, not surprising. In fact, it was to be expected. Having considered your body as a body one with answers it becomes confusing when the same questions plunge you into a space of searching.
Still, you now find yourself in a space of searching. So you might as well search.
But do you know what you’re searching for? Or are you just canvasing your past hoping to stumble upon a clue that will unlock everything?
Such a vast thing to be unlocking.
Such a vague thing to be unlocking.
Does everything need to be unlocked? Or should it stay, like chaos, forever locked in pandora’s box?
Fingers reach further.
Your car continues to rapidly spiral uphill.
Numinous: (adj) describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted- the powerful, personal feeling of being overwhelmed and inspired.