Unlearning

You’ve spent your life asking glasses to be rocks because the idea of fragility is one that sits uncomfortably with you. Because it is your nature to bash things against walls and because you imagine that because you can handle a bashing everyone can.

None of this happened because of anything you did. In fact you are the least to blame in this quest but, in a way you also hold the highest blame.

But you don’t know this.

So you have spent a lot of your life wondering why people can’t understand that the things that, to you, seem very fundamental. You don’t understand that there is nothing wrong in being a rock but, in being a rock you break glasses.
This, of course, is information that you know. Or that you once had but have since forgotten.
One wonders if you are a rock. Or if you are a glass that has then gathered rocks around itself. One wonders if the rock that you imagine is only a reflection of the things you have chosen to see, missing the things that are unseen, and, in being unseen are unthought of.
This is all fine and dandy when discussed in the abstract but harder to apply because, whether illusion or not, you are a rock (or you believe so which is what really matters) and it is the nature of hurtling rocks to break glass.

But you love speed, don’t you? The rush of the wind giddy with excitement, leaving everything behind is something that you not only love but have come to desire. The moments of pause to consider any glass that may be in the way have slowly began to outweigh the value that the glass could have had and now the broken glass has began to piece itself together.

That scares you.

You’ve never been good at kintsukuroi and having hurtled for so long that you can’t imagine the sensation of standing still you imagine hurtling as a way of being, of seeing, you imagine that learning has to be a destruction.
You know this, you are trying to unlearn this. Except unlearning is a learning of its own and the only way you know how to learn is to destroy.

So you sit and wonder, “there must be a better way.”

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