this week on a dependent observer

Dear Stand King,

With regards to your last letter I offer no apologies as to why it took me a while to respond. You know, or so I’d hope, that the nature of my advise column is usually directed towards your subjects and, particularly, those that do not agree with you. So it is with this in mind that I took my time trying to ponder the questions you asked me and asked for advice from my trusted scholarly advisors (two of whom are currently in the cellar under the castle in which you will probably read this letter). I did, invariably get round to writing some form of response and, while I’m still thinking about what it really means, I think this could be the starting point of some form of understanding the problem.

This is all mindless pitter patter, it’s best I just start.

It is widely known that it is in the saying something that something is said. Much like the idea of existence we know that standing, sometimes on one leg, sometimes on two, is something that we cannot do without first getting up. Which is often the most difficult part of any morning to most people. But most people do not think like most other people. Most people are special, unlike most people. So we then have to think about whether most people have or do not have this problem.
This is obviously a question that has been pondered by many scholars very often. As a matter of fact Sir bob bobbybob of bobbyville became quite famous for his quote “standing, like existence, exists in an upstanding manner,” which was spoken of globally for having both the logic of plato and the wordplay of Wordsmith.

Theoretically it could be argued that they were right. That the things they had said within the context of the worlds they were living in were perfectly logical conclusions to arrive at. After all, if the idea of existing wasn’t so inherently intertwined to standing by societal norms and pressures then surely how was someone within the same society meant to challenge ideas of existing seated?
What you didn’t know is that people had been sitting, lying, running, dancing, walking, playing, rolling, sexing, tickling, living and loving for as long as others had been standing. What you didn’t know is that there are other ways to exist.

So when you looked up it must have been horribly startling to realise that a whole world was happening around you. It would make sense that you wanted to destroy it. You imagined that this world had only come into existence. That the existence of this world would mean the destruction of yours. You were so used to being alone, and so engrossed in your aloneness that you imagined that there was no other way to be. And in there being no other way to be then the other worlds weren’t. And if they weren’t then they were objects at your disposal.

This was where the problems *really* began.

You started with the people who were not upright. After all, how can they stand if they won’t even get the right posture? Once you were through with them you went after the movers and did everything you could to slow them down and, eventually, you stopped them.

And your world was perfect. Save for a few isolated incidents everyone was standing. You could exhale.

But you forgot something.

You forgot that a dancer will only give birth to a dancer. A runner will only give birth to a runner. No matter how straight you make them stand, a walker will keep on walking. No matter how good their posture is they will always be who they are. That for generations their minds have been pounding feet in an unmoving body, building up momentum. You forgot that a dancer can feel the rhythm of the earth. A runner can see themselves miles away. A roller will never grow moss. And a lyer will dream.

And then there was another isolated incident.

And then another.
And then another.

And now you’re panicking. 10 miles away, reports of a group of dancers choreographing. Across the world whispers of a race can be heard. Loud moans were heard somewhere between time and the moon. Some of the reports are even more outrageous, people are claiming that they have jumped. That they have sung. That they have flown.

Some even have the audacity to demand to be exempt from existing standing. Demand. They don’t even ask. They don’t see that there’s only one way to exist! Standing!

Or at least you wish you were that convicted.

You used to be. You used to have no qualms just sending the ones that want to live standing straight off back to the reprogramming factory. But now you’re not so sure. So you’re scared.

I understand all that.

I really do.

You should be. Because they are talking to each other. Dancers are talking to walkers talking to runners talking to sexers talking totalkingtotalkingto……

And they’re beginning to figure it out.

In fact, many of them already have.
So I understand your fear.

What you don’t understand is that there’s room. They don’t want you to stop standing. They just want to move in peace. They just want to stay lying down, seated. They just want to be. What you don’t understand is, before you stopped them they were – and so were you.

And that’s why they’re coming.

Because you don’t get it.

But you don’t get it.

So they’re coming. Be prepared.

But be warned – they’re stronger than you.

Regards,
A dependent observer.

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