The truth is, the world is a painful painful place. You felt it. You felt it with such intensity that your heard wanted to explode. You knew you wouldn’t survive it. And so you left. You have gone somewhere. You are there taking care of yourself. Trying to understand. Trying to make sense of it all. Or to come to terms with it. You are there, watching it all happen. You want to leave that place but you know you can’t. You know that leaving that place won’t work.
And you’re tired of explaining it to them.
You see, they want you to leave that place. They see things about you that you were long since made to unbelieve. And you know this too.
Which has added to your frustration. You want to leave for these people. You can’t leave because of these people. You are stuck there speaking but not being heard. Shouting into a void that only echoes back memories of a person you know you cannot be. So you have shut down. You are here, but you have gone. You are somewhere else, protecting yourself.
And that’s okay.
Take as long as you need. Stay in bed for hours, watch cartoons. Eat nothing but starch and water for days. Take long walks at night accompanied by nothing but your thoughts and the occasional cricket. Talk to yourself. Read a book a day. Read several books. Absorb, absorb as much as you need it is infinite. You cannot possibly absorb even a fraction of an imagining of what it is. It’s okay to stay there for as long as you need. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s time to leave. Don’t let anyone force you to leave. Stay there for as long as you need. Then when its time – and you will know when it is time – come back. And we will be right here. And we will welcome you and we will know you.
We miss you.
We love you.