She wants to know

what it feels like

to be broken.

“It feels like dying,

but not getting to


–          Unlike Myself

I have begun to withdraw from the world. It’s easier to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling than to face the sky. The days are bright and full of responsibility. In the coast another bullet ripples through another body. In the north another grenade drops. In Nairobi another armed robbery happens. Stories of leaflets in Nakuru warning Luos to leave get to me.

Kasarani is still a concentration camp.

 In an email Shailja Patel writes:

 This is our city. This is our collective crime against humanity.

There are many like it, but only this one is ours. 

It feels like a Rube Goldberg machine and the ball has been set rolling. With the increasing acceleration of evidence and news from all over the city/country/continent/world it becomes more difficult to write. It becomes more difficult to think.

It becomes easier to withdraw from the world.

Teju Cole reminds me that most people don’t have the emotional filters to handle how quickly bad news gets to us. Every time I leave the house I see broken bodies. Buses are the most depressing. Faces, bent in frustration stare out windows without really seeing anything. There are smiles, too. But they are fleeting.

Or, perhaps, I am projecting my own misery.

In Witu another 11 people are killed. There is no list. We do not know their names.

Some lives are more grievable than others

 Some part of me wanted to write this with facts, statistics, histories and tie it all up in a little bow. But there’s something about Kenya that demands to be written differently:

something of the soul is broken in us

we don’t even know enough to miss it, or to mourn

–          Wambui Mwangi

 And we’re running out of duct tape. One day we’ll look up and all we’ll have is a place we used to call home.

  3 comments for “(Un)Kenya

  1. Jhvanleeuwen
    June 27, 2014 at 1:54 am

    The horror of the events that have struck Kenya for the past year or so has been compounded by the realization that they were either caused by the authorities themselves or that the authorities failed to prevent these events, were incompetent in dealing with them as they were unfolding, unwilling to learn from them and take action to prevent them from happening again. You should be depressed but don’t lose hope. Once you are able to stand up again, please do so in unison with your fellow citizens who want to call for the authorities to take responsibility for this inexcusable dereliction of their duties.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *