Mr. Asperger? No, He Doesn’t Live Here

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual was revised recently, for the first time since Noah left the ark, and Asperger’s Syndrome will not be in the new edition. The guys who make decisions on all things medicinal, along with Hugh Laurie, sat down over a cup of tea and decided that Asperger’s should not be considered as a disorder anymore.

The good news is, if you had been previously diagnosed with Asperger’s, you can calm down now. You really weren’t sick. The doctors were wrong all along. You’re really fine. What’s that you say? You feel socially awkward? No you’re not. There’s no medical diagnosis for you, unless you have autism. Do you have autism? I didn’t think so.

Studies show that, on average, about 10% of people in the world are suffering from some sort of mental disorder. That’s about 700 million people if rough math proves to be right. And that’s a lot of people. Yes, it isn’t as many as China, or Africa, but it’s almost 20 Kenyans and that must count for something.

For years, doctors have been trying to figure out what to do with this whole illness thing. They tried giving people roots and that didn’t work. So they tried pouring out everybody’s blood, but stopped when everyone started looking like Linsday Lohan. Next, they tried to give everyone drugs as medicine. I’m not sure why they stopped because people were happier. Hitler loved it so much he gave his soldiers meth. Those guys got so high they started shooting each other instead of the Jews.

So this solution makes sense to me. In fact, it makes more sense than Uhuruto. That being said, my pet piglet trying to solve quantum mechanics makes more sense than Uhuruto to me. In fact, I so utterly agree with everything concerning doctors striking disorders and diseases et al off the list of available illnesses, that I suggest they knock one off every week. Africa has the largest Aids penetration? Nope. No such thing as Aids. Coughing blood? Ebola, you say? Never heard of it. At this rate we could have eliminated diseases from the world by the end of 2013. Now, about that poverty thing…

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