Forget Teaching A Man To Fish, Just Pay Him

So according the Kenya Universities Students association the government should give Diploma and Degree holders who are unemployed a monthly stipend of KES 5,000 and KEs 10,000 respectively. This, they think is the minimum amount that they will need while tarmacking. Seeing as the government has failed to provide the youth with jobs then they might as well give them the salary to sit on their bums and twiddle their thumbs. After all writers make a great deal of money off twiddling their thumbs so why is it that unemployed students can’t do the same. They have made a stand, enough is enough.

And it must be the government’s fault. I mean, forget the fact that there has been an influx of FDI in the country. Forget the fact that there is the youth fund – which might just find itself as a microfinance institute. Forget the fact that the internet is opening up the world to a whole new level of entrepreneurship. It must be blamed on the government. After all, it really can’t be the youth who are to blame. Didn’t they do their part? They went to school, biblically; everyday. Just like society told them. No one told them that they would have to actually get off their own lazy bums and look for work.

Furthermore, as explained a fortnight ago everyone knows that they should be paid to do the things that they are paid to do.

So why not pay people for things that they are not paid to do? So I agree with this assertion.  In fact, I will go ahead and give you one more.

Seeing as we are asking the government to sponsor us in the things that we don’t need to do this is my formal request to the government. I’d like them to establish a fund toward giving me a monthly stipend of half a million shillings. This will go towards several causes like the “buy Michael a Lamborghini cause” and the “get Michael a private hangar project.” The rest will be wasted on trivial matters like food and clothing.

7 thoughts on Forget Teaching A Man To Fish, Just Pay Him

  1. I get that you are against it but the whole “being paid to do nothing is silly” argument is kind of simplistic. No durr paying people to do nothing is silly. BUT- a University graduate represents a significant investment, an investment that in a healthy economy should start earning dividends almost right away- by paying tax. Aside from the opportunity cost of having a resource not being utilized unemployment among graduates also leads to a lot of social problems. Are parents supposed to subsidize the lifestyles of children they have already educated indefinitely? Should a University grad labour as an unpaid intern indefinitely? Do you know how much competition there is for even entry level jobs nowadays (this one is silly- of course you do- you are a young person). Should a young person just jump at any job in any industry at any pay? (the answer in Kenya has been a resounding yes) Can we all be entrepreneurs? (you mentioned the YDF- will those start ups generate employment for more than one person until they have been around a while?) They have already been taught how to fish- there is no space on the dock or no one is willing to let them on their boat or some other overwrought variant of that trite cliche. Jobseekers allowances exist in the UK and in Australia- an article that maybe examines how well they have worked or how they are fraught with their own problems would be interesting. But gen y has already eaten enough shit for our alleged disinterest in working, our lack of work ethic, our entitlement without us turning on each other. PS- to earn a jobseekers allowance you have to prove you are ACTIVELY looking for a job. Tarmacking is exhausting I would honestly much rather be working at a job or twiddling my thumbs at home than looking for a job. The rejection, the silly interview questions, the anxiety…blech.
    I realize you were going for a Swiftian modest proposal type thing but how about this- all around the world there are young people who did everything they were supposed to only to find that the halcyon economy that guaranteed their parents instant middle class comfort for the price of one university degree (UNDERGRAD) is gone. Why don’t you satirize a system that keeps churning out Uni grads at considerable expense into an economy that cannot support them and mocks citizens for asking for support from their government until they can figure out how to pay taxes? A system that calls people actively looking for jobs thumb twiddlers looking for money for nothing?

    Reply
    1. This is getting fun, isn’t it?

      Whereas I don’t deny the fact that the system is broken, and that it would make for a good story. This makes for an even better one. I’d like to take your comment and break into a couple of parts. So let’s start from paragraph 1.

      1. “a University graduate represents a significant investment, an investment that in a healthy economy should start earning dividends almost right away- by paying tax.”

      Investment by whom? It’s not like the government pays for anyone’s education in this country, except for MPs kids, God forbid the children of our ministers pass through the same education system as the rest of us. This brings HELB into the question. That is paid back though isn’t it? At least in theory.

      2. Are parents supposed to subsidize the lifestyles of children they have already educated indefinitely?

      NO! I mean, yes… I mean eerrrrr. What was the question again?

      Whereas it is unfair to expect parents to subsidize the lifestyles of their children should the child take some share of the responsibility? Looking for a job is not sending out CVs and waiting to be called for interviews. As you pointed out yourself. The education inflammation has deemed extinct the traditional model of job seeking. Diversification is key.

      3. Should a University grad labour as an unpaid intern indefinitely?

      This one is a little tricky. Internship is key but then again the indefinite thing is strange (you really like this word indefinite, don’t you?). The key is in knowing ones worth and not settling for less. Prove your worth. Be the best and people will be willing to pay. you can’t already be bureaucrised as an intern (it happens).

      4. Should a young person just jump at any job in any industry at any pay?

      (see above)

      5. Can we all be entrepreneurs? (you mentioned the YDF- will those start ups generate employment for more than one person until they have been around a while?)

      Yes we can, but then the entrepreneurial market will be flooded hence making the value of employees rise. So employment would be the way to go. Start-ups are mostly funded by venture capitalists. Most start ups have 5 to 6 employees, with growth opportunities.

      6. They have already been taught how to fish- there is no space on the dock or no one is willing to let them on their boat or some other overwrought variant of that trite cliche.

      I should start by saying I liked how you phrased that. That being said have they been taught how to fish? Really? It is evident that there is a disparity between the employers and the universities. Placement offices aren’t doing their work and, contrary to popular belief, HR offices actually scramble for good graduates. Companies are spending millions every year retraining university graduates who have been “taught how to fish.”

      7. “an article that maybe examines how well they have worked or how they are fraught with their own problems would be interesting.”

      Yeah, it probably would.

      8. “But gen y has already eaten enough shit for our alleged disinterest in working, our lack of work ethic, our entitlement without us turning on each other.”

      Turning on each other? you make it sound like we are some sort of rugby team.

      Maybe it is true. Generation y has horrible work ethic, clearly we feel entitled. Where there is smoke there is fire. At least that’s what my class 3 teacher taught us.

      9. all around the world there are young people who did everything they were supposed to only to find that the halcyon economy that guaranteed their parents instant middle class comfort for the price of one university degree (UNDERGRAD) is gone.

      Yes. And what do we do about it? Whine and throw our hands in the air demanding an allowance. Wake up and smell the coffee at the end of the day, no matter how much whingeing you do it will still be you seated at home jobless. We have to take up personal responsibility at some point.

      10. . Why don’t you satirize a system that keeps churning out Uni grads at considerable expense into an economy that cannot support them and mocks citizens for asking for support from their government until they can figure out how to pay taxes?

      Because that’s been done. It would be boring and generally a little too whiny and mainstream for my liking.

      11. Well there’s no 11 but 10 seemed to perfect a number to end on.

      Reply
  2. This is rather Hilarious. Where pray they do they expect the money to come from?
    Kwani the govenment is a money machine that sits there dishing money? This is tax payers money and we are supposed to use it to pay lazy bums?

    Hilarious I tell you.

    Reply
  3. This would have been a great idea while I was tarmacking. I would have loved an allowance to buy all those brown envelopes and pay for the numerous photocopies of my CVs. Now, on this other end of the spectrum where I am the taxpayer and I will be paying for others to tarmac, I have reservations. Some people will take advantage of the system and refuse to work and basically get “welfare” from the government. There are numerous loopholes for corruption. Will everyone be screened to make sure they are a graduate? A graduate who is actually looking for work? Is there a time limit for when one is done tarmacking and no longer eligible for the handouts?

    Reply
  4. This is actually quite funny Michael. I completely agree with the initiative. If we as tax payers can afford to pay out millions of shillings in salaries and allowances for politicians to twiddle their thumbs and fall asleep in the August house, then we sure as hell can afford to pay well deserving undergraduates to do the same (with the exception of falling asleep in parliament of course).

    Oh and answer #7 pretty much takes the cake

    And to Aisha, majority of economies cannot afford to match job opportunities with university graduates, single degree or otherwise. Should they take any job they can get their hands on? Good question. My answer is that they probably should. Sure serving burgers at macdonalds is not an ideal or even chosen career but somebody has to do it and whats more, it does put food on the table (no pun intended). My experience in numerous countries tells me that this situation cannot be resolved by placing the burden squarely on the governments shoulders or by blogers seizing to write satirical articles about it. However, in each country the intensity of the matter differs by the graduates’ will to succeed and to survive. That in essence is what makes the difference between a Harvard graduate sitting in a village somewhere smoking something (and I know 2) and a multi million dollar company started by a grade school dropout.

    Reply
  5. 10k isn’t sufficient enough to buy me booze in a month and clear the HELB loan I used to buy a music system. The government must look into this plea by the poor university graduate.

    Reply
  6. Pingback: Campus Divas or Just Facebook being Facebook? : Michael

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *