Forget Superman, Here’s the Real Hero

Norhtern Ireland minister of health, Poots, went on record saying that you shouldn’t be allowed to give blood if you are gay. He further went on to say “I think that people who engage in high risk sexual behaviour in general should be excluded from giving blood… And so someone who has sex with somebody inAfricaor sex with prostitutes, I am very reluctant about those people being able to give blood.” He said all this, with a straight face, looking at a camera and in a suit. You can always trust a man in a suit.

 Observation from a friend: sex IN Africa. Does that mean that if someone had sex with someone from Africa but said sex happened outside Africa then it would be okay?

 So what Mr Pooty was saying is that he thinks that all Africans should live in celibacy for the rest of their lives. Especially gay Africans they should be locked up and shot, twice for good measure.

Africa is the second largest continent in the world and with a population of 1 billion people we are almost as many as the Chinese. This means that we are contributing largely to the world’s obesity problem (apparently the population on the earth is 16.5 million tonnes overweight – that’s a lot of Africans). I think Mr. Poots is largely misunderstood. I think he is a closet environmentalist trying to deal with a huge problem; overpopulation.

And it makes perfect sense; I mean, everybody is dying to give blood in Northern Ireland. Ever since I was a young African child with a large stomach and a snotty nose it was my life’s ambition to get a good job, make tonnes of money and get on a plane to Northern Ireland where I would donate blood. Now Mr Poots has made it clear that if I am to go through with this I must make sure that, in my life in Africa, I must abstain from having sex, ever.

This means I can’t get those two kids I always wanted to get, and I’m not the only one. Studies show that a large and relevant percentage of African’s have lived their lives dreaming of donating blood in Northern Ireland. This means that Poots, in his ever lasting wisdom, has in effect stopped Africans from having sex, thus from reproducing.

On this front I would like to nominate health minister Poots for a Nobel prize. Forget Obama and the fact that he killed the top two terrorists in the world, forget Koffi Annan and his notable work in Syria; here is a man who knows exactly how to deal with the world’s problems and gets down and dirty and handles them swiftly. Ladies and gentlemen, kindly join me in raising your glasses to Edwin Poots, the man who saved the world.

  10 comments for “Forget Superman, Here’s the Real Hero

  1. June 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    The best approach towards the Poots of today, laugh bout it.

  2. Tawi
    June 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I’ve died! This is just too much. Best start to my day, nothing can go wrong 😀

  3. Willie
    June 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I’m not saying you guys are ignorant…but maybe you should some background studying on the following: AIDS is no longer a global epidemic (it was de-classified (sic.) from this status about 4-5 years ago). It remains a problem among the following categories; Homosexuals, injection drug users, prostitutes, prostitutes’ clients, Africa. If you fall within these groups, you are ‘at risk’ of getting HIV/AIDS. The rest of the world isn’t!
    If you are at high risk, as above, you may not donate blood, not just in Ireland, but in most developed nations including the USA. Last time I checked, you may also not donate blood if you recently traveled to Africa because…
    Habari ndio hiyo. I won’t call you guys clueless.

  4. Jackie
    June 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm


  5. June 22, 2012 at 12:09 am

    Heheeeee! I think i have broken the rule

  6. JAimy
    June 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    I’ve seen this mistake in every article / blogpost about this.

    This is not an Irish minister of Health, he is from Northern Ireland, which is part of the UK.

    Don’t confuse them with the southern Republic of Ireland. Ok?


    Southern Irish person.

    • Michael
      June 25, 2012 at 9:34 am

      Jaimy, thanks for that. I’ve edited it out.


      Hope you can keep reading though :)

      • Jaimy
        June 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

        Thanks … it was just a pain in the a** watching the whole African internet lambasting Ireland!

        Ireland fought for hundreds of years against British colonialists to become a Republic. The Brits kept the Northern part, where this Health Minister is from. It’s annoying when we’re confused with the UK!

        I have bookmarked your blog anyway!

        • Michael
          June 27, 2012 at 4:20 pm

          Thanks :) I understand your pain. There are people who think that Africa is a country.

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