Teach A Con To Fish… Wait What?

According to a certain government body whose initials are dangerously close to sounding like Muppet, the country may be short 150,000 teachers come 2014. This is, obviously, an alarming figure; especially taking into account the fact that we already have a shortfall of 70,000 teachers in public schools. This basically means that when teachers go on strike the crowd should actually be 70,000 people larger, but it isn’t. Of course the government has retaliated by saying that if they can barely afford to pay the 6 teachers that they have on payroll how can the possibly think of hiring a further 150,000 over the next two years. No, it simply cannot be done.

I, however, beg to differ. Our justice system has always complained of overcrowded prisons. We have heard it time and time again. Cells needed to house 7 inmates are used for 4000 and so forth and so forth. It doesn’t help that no one is willing to kill the people who are on death row and all that’s left is a couple of people seated around wondering what happens next with their lives. It then makes sense that the government makes teaching part of the compulsory work that the inmates must do.

And it really makes perfect sense. The government is looking for a good, free way to fill in the 150,000 spaces, and there you go. The inmates can be housed in the teachers quarters putting 12 of them in the space which would normally house 1 teacher. It would be pretty luxurious compared to the circumstances they have found themselves in. Furthermore it

There's always this option.

would reduce the rate of strikes in high school. I mean how could you attack your math teacher if you knew that he was on death row for a triple murder?

It would also help the teachers in general to have some people who are actually willing to fight back when the police attack them during their peaceful protests. Although I doubt the police will actually attack if they knew that the innocent looking crowds of teachers would actually be filled with convicts.

I’m sure a couple of you are looking at this wondering what will happen to the standards of education if we do that. Well no need to worry, the standards of education have been dropping steadily for the last 15 years leading to talks of educational reforms which will be happening for the next 15. To add onto this even those who manage to graduate from this system with top class honours are still wandering the streets looking for jobs, and eventually resulting to crime. Which means most of the convicts you will take to teach will, probably have a masters degree under their belts.

In fact, this idea is so ironclad that I am shocked that no one has thought of it before. It is the perfect situation of killing two birds with one stone. The only flaw in my plan is that having convicts as teachers will make the image of the teaching profession very bad-ass. This means that the youth one day aspire to be teachers, which means that we will have the reverse problem in the long term at which point we can start sending teachers back to jail.

3 thoughts on Teach A Con To Fish… Wait What?

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