The Plaintiff’s Lament

Away with you my learned friend your words they do alarm me,
With syllables long large and wide I’m afraid that they might harm me,
You waltz in here then the words you use to explain my legal problems,
I’d rather you be telling me of simpler ways to solve them

I put you on retainer just to make my problems go away,
And now you act as if I made this deal just of mere child’s play,
With your breach of contract, estoppel and doctrines of privity,
each of which to my case just add more complexity.

Your statutory defences, general defences and all types of legal fences,
Make me stand in court and all through my body feel different kinds of tenseness,
Your vicarious, occupiers and neglitory liability,
creating relationships of closeness where none was even there in relativity.

Unhand me you spawn of the legal profession,
As you claim to know what you are doing
All I ask is for a simple confession,
As to what troubles are brewing.

I seek not this legal complexities you shove in my face,
Nor your constantly telling me that my business is a disgrace,
I claim no tables here and I definitely ask for no lies
I only ask for a price that can be found beneath the skies.

So get away from me you over-priced legal dictionary
I see no need to pay attention to your works all fictionary
All I wanted was a simple acquittal
As for the rest, well, res ipsa loquitor

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